My daughter will turn 13 this week and rather than just celebrating a typical birthday, I wanted to create something for her to remember as a special salute to her for reaching a milestone she so desired.  I think rituals add a richness to life; and even when your kids run screaming at your feeble attempts, you should not be dissuaded from doing what you feel might someday be considered special by them.  

We spent yesterday having a mother / daughter mani - pedi, and then shopped for ideas and materials to make our “spirit dolls.”   These are dolls made from simple materials that represent and celebrate who we truly are.  You can make one for each facet of your personality and create a gallery that pays tribute to your soul’s progression throughout life.  They can either capture a moment in time, or help to create a dream or desire of who you want to become.   She was resistant at first, but now seems to really be getting into it; I can’t wait to see what each of us comes up with!

We woke up at 5:00 am this morning and drove to the highest point on the Blue Ridge Parkway <6000+ feet> to see the sunrise.  It was cold but absolutely magnificent!   Then we drank hot chocolate & had breakfast at the Pisgah Inn - what a view!   Took lots of pictures; hiked and laughed a lot … hopefully made memories she will always look back upon and smile.   Life is good!

Yesterday a group of 10 of us headed out to Wiseman’s Bluff in Linville Gorge to see the Brown Mountain Lights.  It was a beautiful fall day in the western NC mountains; the crisp mountain air sill had a bite to it, but the winds were minimal so we could enjoy the night in relative comfort.   We brought food to share, and enjoyed each other’s company in the hour and a half drive to the dirt and gravel road of our destination.  We stopped to take in a gorgeous sunset lighting up one of the nearby ridges as the sliver of the moon provided a focal point.  Each of us were inspired individually by the perfection of the moment.  We were surprised by 5 other friends who changed their plans in order to meet up with us to share their night vision goggles.  It is truly amazing when you look at the sky through the lenses … billions of stars light up the sky that the naked eye can’t see.  There’s a general shimmer over the whole landscape, like a thin piece of silk light flowing in delightful randomness.  The lights played peek a boo games with us as they dipped and flitted along the ridges, which could be seen with the naked eye.   Additionally special were the lights that could only be seen through the goggles … closer to us than we thought.   Some of the lights were triangulated, darting all over the sky like spacecraft and definitely not in ordinary flight patterns.  Did we actually see aliens through the goggles?  I didn’t, but that’s not to say they weren’t there staring at us.   Did I see comets, falling stars and stars that were at first stationary that later moved?  Maybe … probably … I still don’t know exactly what I saw; it’s more a feeling than a rational thought.  I felt a definite connection with the unknown; a feeling that there is so much more out there than we can’t even conceive of … yet.   There are no words to describe what I saw, but I do believe the answers will be revealed to us … soon.

I am in the middle of about 10 books right now, but I find that when I read for pure escapism and pleasure, I finish the book. So, I guess these 10 books don’t qualify. I have been an avid reader from childhood, especially in the summer when we used to have summer reading programs at the local library. I would stay up late in order to finish the book I was reading, so I could start a new one the next day. We would plot our course along a road pasted to the library wall: the more books we read, the more books we could win along the way. What motivation! I would sit in the sun at the club, and in between swim practice, card games, and pick up volleyball and basketball games I would be considered the reading “nerd” but I didn’t care. During holiday celebrations, I would hide in the bathroom so I could read another chapter undisturbed and not incur the teasing of my cousins. It helped me to dream, expand my horizons and imagination, and encourage my natural curiosity about things I didn’t know from personal experience.

My sons were not into reading for pleasure which was disappointing for me when they were growing up, and even to this day it is more a chore than a pleasure for them. Thankfully, my daughter has decided to become a reader. Unfortunately, she doesn’t believe in going to the library and instead wants to own every book she reads. She wants instant gratification, and has even said to me “Mom, you of all people should understand why I want to read it NOW.” She is right; I do understand and am actually excited by her enthusiasm. Unfortunately, she also wants to share her enthusiasm and insists that I read the books that she is currently reading, and gets quite adamant when I tell her I don’t have enough time.

I gave in over spring break when she was so enthralled with the Twilight series, and I read all 4 books in a week: all 2500+ pages. It took me back to my summer reading frenzy all those years ago. As an adult, however, there has to be balance in my life, and she is disappointed that I won’t read every book that she does. She has nagged me about Evermore, so even though I really need to do my own “adult” reading, I spent today reading her book. Guess what: I only have 2 chapters left to read. She will be so proud of me; guess I was again reading for escape and pleasure, as well as making my soon to be teenage daughter happy! 

The Brown Mountain Lights are one of the most famous of North Carolina legends. They have been reported a dozen times in newspaper stories. They have been investigated at least twice by the U.S. Geological Survey.  And they have attracted the attention of numerous scientists and historians since the German engineer, Gerard Will de Brahm, recorded the mysterious lights in the North Carolina mountains in 1771.  Cherokee Indians were familiar with these lights as far back as the year 1200. According to Indian legend, a great battle was fought that year between the Cherokee and Catawba Indians near Brown Mountain. The Cherokees believed that the lights were the spirits of Indian maidens who went on searching through the centuries for their husbands and sweethearts who had died in the battle.

“The mountains emit nitrous vapors which are borne by the wind and when laden winds meet each other the niter inflames, sulphurates and deteriorates,” said de Brahm. De Brahm was a scientific man and, of course, had a scientific explanation. But the early frontiersman believed that the lights were the spirits of Cherokee and Catawba warriors slain in an ancient battle on the mountainside.

One thing is certain, the lights do exist. They have been seen from earliest times. They appear at irregular intervals over the top of Brown Mountain - a long, low mountain in the foothills of the Blue Ridge. They move erratically up and down, visible at a distance, but vanishing as one climbs the mountain. From the Wiseman’s View on Linville Mountain the lights can be seen well. They at first appear to be about twice the size of a star as they come over Brown Mountain. Sometimes they have a reddish or blue cast. On dark nights they pop up so thick and fast it’s impossible to count them. At some points closer to Brown Mountain the lights seem large, resembling balls of fire from a Roman candle. Sometimes they may rise to various heights and fade slowly. Others expand as they rise, then burst high in the air like an explosion without sound.  There are innumerable stories of the lights. But perhaps the best description is that the lights are “a troop of candle-bearing ghosts who are destined to march forever back and forth across the mountain.”    Pasted from <http://www.ibiblio.org/ghosts/bmtn_p2.html>

Everything that manifests in our lives is a choice we have made, and we need to take responsibility for that instead of feeling like a victim and blaming others. We need to look at how we feel and respond to a situation because the only things that affect us are the ones that we allow. It might take us multiple “dark nights” before we are at peace; each one will last differing amounts of time, depending on the person and ego resistance.

While on the path toward enlightenment, many experience the feeling of not fitting into their reality anymore. This suffering can be viewed as an initiation of sorts, where we feel abandoned, without light or hope, and profoundly alone. Usually if something upsets us, it is just a manifestation of fear <anger, grief, loneliness, sadness>, so courageously facing these illusions with perseverance and honesty is part of the process. We will question and doubt everything we thought we knew. We may feel as if we are losing our mind, yet we are still able to function in our current reality. We realize that nothing we have done in the past will get us to where we want to be; all the books and workshops we have attended have only offered glimpses of who we want to become.

The tug of war is between our old reality and that promised land of enlightenment, where one is no longer comfortable and the other seems unreachable. We see others who embody the values of love and generosity and gratitude and forgiveness that we seek to integrate, but it is so hard to shed the old ways of being. Everything seems so easy for them, yet so difficult for us. We are trying … which is part of the problem. There is no effort needed … instead of doing, we just need to be. We persist because we can’t conceive of going back to the old way of life and those brief moments of peace keep us going. Once we begin this process, we must keep going or we may let fear prevent us from succeeding. We feel we would do anything to get out of this state, yet it is only our ego which is keeping us in it.

In order for our higher self to emerge, our ego has to be diffused. It has served well; we have survived. Throughout our lives, our ego was in charge; we gained a sense of self worth based on what the ego gathered from responses of other people, but it was a very limited sense of self. The ego believes it chooses what we think, how we feel and what we do. Even now, our ego thinks it is moving us down the path of higher consciousness.

There is nothing to be done but surrender; we have tried everything else. We realize we are different than who we thought we were. After our dark night, we are transformed from ignorance and fear into feeling free and joyful and directly connected to source. We are now a tabula rasa, and ready to create our vision.

I don’t know if you have ever had a computer virus, but this one absolutely pushed me to the end of my limits.  It is the Alpha Antivirus:  every 2 minutes it would pop up and tell me my computer was infected … there was no way to find it in any of the registries; you couldn’t search for it; it steals passwords so you couldn’t go anywhere online or pay bills or access accounts.  It wants you to buy its software which of course only removes the bug it put on your computer in the first place.  Ingenious and insidious.  It even infiltrated facebook!  Since I couldn’t access the internet, I couldn’t download any anti-virus software specific to this program.  Someone said I needed to buy PC Tools Spyware Doctor; I went to Best Buy and they don’t sell it.  The only place you can get it is online, which of course I couldn’t do since I couldn’t get on the internet.  A catch-22.  I did Reiki and set intentions and everything else I could think of, but this morning when I woke up I was convinced I would have to trash my computer and re-build it.  This would be a pain in the neck for me because I have Vista so I wasn’t looking forward to it.  Lo and behold, I sat down at the computer this morning and no more pop ups, I got on the internet and ordered the program <of course I can’t use it until they send me the license key number but it’s a start>.  I still won’t access my bank accounts since it might still be active on my computer and laying passively in wait for that one perfect click where it gets me!  I hate being this vulnerable.  I have no idea where it came from; my daughter probably, when she wasn’t supposed to be on my computer and definitely wasn’t supposed to ever ever ever download anything to it.   Hmmmm, do you think she learned a lesson this time???????

I just organized a mastermind group locally and am amused and a little frustrated at the whole process.  I have done this before, but in a 3rd dimensional reality.  This particular group of women are all  in a 5th dimensional reality, so I am trying to create a new paradigm of coaching and teaching so they can resonate with it.  The resistance stems from semantics:  words like “accountability”, “effort”, “working the process” all make them want to run and hide.  Sometimes it’s a lot easier to go back to our comfort zone even if we are miserable there. 

We don’t need to analyze everything:  being the observer is the ideal way to respond when things “come up” and sometimes we get lucky and things change just by being taken out of the shadows and being seen.  I think that when something negative shows up in our lives it is feedback saying we are not in alignment and we are ready for change and for it to be cleared away.   I always look at challenges as opportunities for growth and change.

I believe that if you want to do something, you’ll find a way; if not, you’ll find an excuse.  Knowledge gives us the ability to perceive our reality in a different way, but first we need to accept where we are before we go somewhere else.    We can’t ignore the facts, but we can re-frame them in a more enlightened way.   We already have everything we desire;  we just need to eliminate the blocks that stop us from manifesting it.   So many people resist, which is why so few ever achieve their goals.  Successful people do what unsuccessful people won’t do.  If you feel yourself resisting, just recognize and acknowledge it.  Realize that it is probably unconscious, since 96% of what we do is ruled by the subconscious.  Then just feel your response, emotionally and physically.  If it feels bad, it is an illusion, but you need to feel it before you can heal it.

That’s why I think EssenceWork and SoulPoint are so wonderful.  Conscious awareness doesn’t change the program that was installed at age 5 or before; by analyzing what happened you are just reinforcing it.   Just clear away the blockages, re-install a new program, start with the present moment and go forward unencumbered!  So, we’ll see how all of this unfolds in the next 100 days … it should be an interesting ride!

These are time consuming but fun to do.  You write short affirmations, find pix on the internet that convey your message with feeling, and then add music.  I was doing this manually when I was in college … wish I had this technology way back then!   Check mine out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWPnhpbmcvI&feature=autofb

Since so many of you wanted to know how it was, let me just tell you:  it was a pretty awesome experience!  We gathered in a semi circle in the clearing around 6 pm.   The facilitator, Randy, talked to us, explaining what was going to happen.  His wife, Diane, offered us sweet grass so we could smudge ourselves.   He spoke of visualizations and trust as being necessary components in the equation, as well as the belief that we could walk in the fire.   We also talked about releasing any fears we had.  I called in St. Germaine and Archangel Michael and Pan to help me and keep my feet safe LOL.   Figured it wouldn’t hurt to have as much help as I could; and I also brought aloe just in case hehehe.

At different times throughout the preparation he had us visualize the fire, and what it would feel and look like to walk in it.  Being a fire element, I had no trouble connecting deeply.  At one point, I looked away after the meditation and everything appeared crystal clear to me … like an enhanced version of what was before me.  It was almost like I had faded into the background and was floating above at a distance and observing and no one knew I was there.   When I explained it later, AnnMarie said I had lifted the veil … how cool is that!!  I want more … the feeling of clarity was incredible.  Each time we did visualizations and I stared into the fire, my surroundings and the process just kept getting clearer and clearer. 

We went to a nearby stream and were told to listen to the left of us and focus on just those sounds.  It was repeated on the right.  Then we listened normally, and were able to discern better all the separate sounds.

As part of the exercise on trust, we used three chairs to balance a plank across them.  Then two people stood at either end to hold the plank and help you climb up.  Six other people stood there with interlocked hands to catch you as you just fell backward onto them.  It was very freeing.

Another trust exercise:   Randy and another person who had done it before balanced a ¼ inch rebar <steel> rod between them at the clavicular notch and then walked toward each other, bending the rod with just their throat.  So then, a guy and I decided to also try it.  You could see he had doubts about our doing it, but I figured I had seen the other two do it so what the heck LOL.  I reasoned that it wouldn’t have been offered to us as part of a trust exercise if it was going to really hurt me.  At first, the guy backed away when he felt the pressure on his throat area, but I talked him into just going for it.  Everyone cheered when we hugged at the end … it was pretty exhilarating actually.  I did have a slight bruise on my throat the next day but other than that it was all good. 

As a third trust exercise, we formed two lines.  Then the person at the beginning of the line ran between the two lines while blindfolded/eyes closed, high stepping the whole way.  Running with your knees raised with each step really makes you get off balance, but you can do it because both lines are shouting out “yes” and clapping and so you can kind of judge where the lines are and run in a straight line between them.  Some did better than others LOL.

We did prayer ties with tobacco for various reasons:   set intention, bring ourselves into balance, accepting unconditional love from nature and accepting challenges.  My insights ranged from walking the talk, moving from my head to my heart and realizing that Sabrina is a child even though she acts like an adult LOL and to be more understanding and patient with her. 

We also did an Incan fire ceremony where we circled the fire with rattles and drums, chanting various Native American utterances.  Then when we were called to do so, we knelt at the fire with a person of the opposite sex standing behind us with hands outstretched to hold the energy for us.  Then we drew our hands through the fire toward our solar plexus, then toward our heart, then toward our third eye, then all over our aura.   I always play with fire anyway, so I really got into this :>  I was putting all my arms into the fire each time and really grabbing it toward me.

As time went on, I kept watching for the fire salamanders.  They were not there at first … maybe they need for the fire to be very hot before they are released.  I kept talking to the fire silently connecting and asking for them to appear and then they were flying all around, their tails long and flowing.  Some were over two feet long.  As the logs shifted in the fire, hundreds were released at a time!  It was very awesome, and it seemed the more I communicated with them, the more they came to me.   It turned out that the 2 people <Deb and Barb> I went with also did the same thing and they saw them when I did.  No one else saw them … but then we were looking for them!   It just brings to mind how much we miss when we are not mindful, in any experience we have.   I didn’t get a chance to see the green heart in the center of the fire though, because we were off doing trust exercises and the fire was flattened to a bed of burning coals when we returned.  Next time LOL!

It was close to a full moon <couple of days> and it kept peeking through the tress.  I felt so connected to the meadow and the stream and the moon and the fire.  As we were walking around the fire we chanted over and over:

Earth my body

Water my blood

Air my breath and

Fire my spirit

It really put us in the mood I am sure.  Chanting has such an amazing connective ability, at least for me.  I guess it is the vibration that makes it go so deeply into your soul.  Must also be why saying affirmations out loud make them so much more effective, especially when tapping on your thymus. 

Anyway, then came time for the actual firewalk.   Randy was there and kept raking the coals as we circled around the fire, chanting and shaking rattles while a few played the drums.  As we went past the opening, we had the choice to stay in the circle or go into the fire.  We must have done this for at least 20-30 minutes so we had plenty of opportunities to go through.  Some aids they had talked about were to not look at the coals and just focus your eyes beyond the end of the fire bed, as well as saying cool moss, and walking briskly through the coals.  When I did it the first time, I actually forgot everything he had said LOL, so they are not necessary but help set the mood I guess.  The fire bed was about 4 feet wide and 6 feet long, so for short people like me it required more than a few steps.  I wound up doing it 5 times.  I was going to try to do it 8 times <infinity and my favorite number> but didn’t want to seem too greedy.  The first few times, I walked briskly and I remember thinking how amazing it was that I couldn’t feel the heat.  I think the fact that I took my shoes off when I first got to the meadow helped some since we were walking all over and the grass was cool and my feet were being toughened up.  The fourth time I ran with my hands outstretched to the sky, which of course meant that I was landing harder than when I was just walking but still no burns.  The fifth time, some guy took my hand and we actually skipped across the coals.  I thought for sure they would be burning, but all I got was a tiny ember that stuck to the bottom of my foot and as soon as I got to the grass, I scuffed my foot and off it came!  So there it is … my first firewalking experience.  I went to bed exhausted for some reason but woke up refreshed the next day!